Wired up for Specialist Interests

My childhood was dominated by having a succession of specialist interests, or as my parent's would call them "obsessions". I'm not a fan of that word though as it has negative connotations. The most prominent one, which came and went in cycles was about cars. In fact my parents have home video footage from 1993 at the Worthing Motor show, of me giving a running commentary of all the cars displayed, reciting their specifications. I remember in July 1995 walking into my local newsagent on my own and buying a copy of What Car magazine, and while all of it was interesting, the bit that really excited me was the whole specification list at the back. I wanted to know which models had electric windows, central locking, maximum speeds etc.

Very often my special interests were driven by some sort of fear. I remember as a toddler hurting my hand trying to open the door of my Grandparents S Reg Renault 5, and I remember being rather afraid of travelling in a Fiat 126 because I was told they were very noisy, and I thought the noise might give me a shock.

Other childhood interests included clocks and watches, and the weather.

Today, I still have a passing interest in my old specialist interests, and will happily pick up a car magazine in the dentists waiting room. However I couldn't even try to recite offhand the car specifications as of 2019! The reason is because I don't have any kind of emotional attachment related to cars that I did when I was younger and other more pressing concerns have taken over.

In fact as a 10 year old I used to imagine I'd want to drive something like a 10 year old Saab 9000 when I grew up. Of course, insurance and finding a parking space weren't really on my mind back then! As things happened, since I eventually passed my driving test at the late age of 31 (having regarded home ownership as a greater priority) I have only ever owned a Ford Ka and a Nissan Micra. It would be nice to try driving a larger vehicle at some point, but it would be totally impractical to own a big car given my flat location and driving habits.

The weather does remain a much more prominent interest for me today. In fact usually the first thing I do after work is make a cup of tea, grab a few cookies, and watch the latest forecast from GavsWeatherVids. I work outdoors, and certain types of weather can have a real impact upon me. My interest is greatest in winter and summer when there's the risk of extreme temperatures. One thing I do to relax is go onto accuweather.com, and browse forecast stats for different parts of the world and see how I'd fare in a different city.

In general if you ask me about the weather forecast, there's a good chance I could give you a detailed answer about the possible scenarios for the next few weeks.

There can be great advantages to having a mind that's wired up for specialist interests. However it can also be socially isolating. But more about this in a future post.

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Aspergers and Making Money Online - Part 1

For most of the past ten years now, I have had a burning passion to somehow make money online. My motivation has never been about getting super rich, driving a Ferrari, or jetting around the world - a small flat and a Nissan Micra are quite sufficient! It was simply because I wanted a way out of my boring, dead-end office job, being able to make ends meet on my own terms, and most importantly, having control of my working environment and not being forced to interact with difficult work colleagues, or anyone for that matter.

Now as of today, I am not really active in any make money online businesses, although I keep my eye on the internet marketing scene. I have grown weary of all the effort and false promises out there, and I'm very happy in my current job for now. I am aware that the world of employment is subject to change, and I do have a backup plan if I lost my job or felt the need to leave for any reason. But that's another story.

May 2010 - The Journey Begins

May 2nd 2009 was the date of my brother's wedding, myself and extended family were staying out in Suffolk for a few days afterwards, and I remember discussing what I could do and the idea of freelance writing came into discussion.

Well around a year later one day I felt compelled to take action. In May 2010 I applied to be a contributing writer for the now defunct Suite101 article directory. I could write articles on any topic of my choice. I submitted two demo articles and quickly got approved as a contributor. This site enabled you to earn money when people clicked on the Google ads on the page where your articles were posted. Initially I was able to earn several cents per day even with just a few articles posted. I could see on the leaderboard the top earners with 1000 or so articles  online were earning something like $2000 per month, which would be enough to make ends meet. My aim was to eventually write enough articles to make this sort of money, so I could quit my job.

Unfortunately, after a few months of writing, Google's Panda algorithm updates meant that the articles posted on this site, and other article directories were no longer topping the search engines, and therefore saw a massive reduction in web traffic the ads stopped getting the clicks and the money stopped coming in. Eventually the whole platform changed and it was no longer possible to make money there at all. However I think I made around $10 or so while the site was active.

Want some context to this blog - click here to find out about me

Hundreds of Acquaintances But Few Friends

I feel that I have always struggled socially, being Aspergers. Back when I was in my early 20s, I was desperate for more friends. I have always had a good family for moral support, and plenty of people I knew casually through environments such a work. But I had no peers I could 'hang out with' on a regular basis, and more importantly, felt powerless to go and meet new people and my limited social life felt dependent upon who might come in and go out of certain social circles.

At a low point in early 2010, I decided to go Meetup type group in a nearby city in the hope I could build up my social life. These were mostly 'catch all' socials down the pub. I vividly remember the first of these events I went to - it was a bitterly cold Tuesday evening in January, fortunately the pub was right outside the train station. I went along and got chatting to various people - I met a few nice people and had some nice conversations, however most of the conversation was awkward. Many of the people were new to the city, and I didn't even live in the city and wasn't overly familiar with the city's social life. A lot of people were professionals of some sort and the only job I had any experience in was admin assistant in the civil service. So much of the time it felt awkward. However I continued to go to more events because - even when it's tough - whenever there is 'potential' I stick at it!

Fast forward to 2019 and I have been to loads of other singles group events and meetups over the years, on and off, usually on a Saturday night - because this is the time when there is not much else available for me to do socially speaking. These types of events serve a useful purpose, because they allow you the chance to do something purely social with people that you're not going to meet at work or in other club or class.

However, an unfortunate pattern I have got into - and this applies in other social environments outside the meetup type group setup - is that when you start going to these groups, you end up saying 'Hello', shaking hands and introducing yourself to hundreds of different people, but not making many real friends. The abundance feels good when you're starting out with a limited social circle, however it seems that after a while the abundance of potential friends becomes a problem. 

As someone with Aspergers, I know that I don't read social clues like others. I cannot explain this exactly - just as someone born partially sighted cannot explain what they can't see because they have never know anything different. So what tends to happen a lot is, on initially meeting someone, everything seems fine, but then at some unidentifiable point, other people will start to bond more, and I can gradually start feeling left out. So I end up in a sort-of-merry go round here. Of course every one of these socials are different, so I'm not saying this happens like this everywhere, and there are a handful of people I have met at these types of event whom I have stayed in touch with. But as a general rule this is how it goes.

I will continue to go to these types of events when I wish to do something social and nothing else is available to me. However now I have recognised the above pattern, I hope I can do something to rectify it. Reduce the quality and increase the quality.

About Me - Some Context to This Blog

Hello. I'm a 37 year old man from southern England, diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in December 1995, aged 13. I live independently, on my own in the same flat since I was 21, I have a steady job, I drive, and I certainly don't make an issue of having Asperger's. In fact the majority of people I associate with these days either don't know I have it, or only have a passing knowledge of my condition.

People fall into two categories when I tell people I have Asperger's. Some people will say they would never have guessed such a thing, whereas others will recognise it almost immediately. The latter group tend to be people who work in a caring profession such as teachers, or have other experience with Asperger's.

I have been fortunate that I grew up in a good family, my mother was also a teacher, they were able to look beyond the surface of my behaviors as a young child. I believe that this - combined with my early school playground behavior in the late 80's (before Asperger's was known) of talking to my imaginary people completely aloof from other kids, which in a way forced the teachers to try and figure out what was wrong with me - is the reason why I had such an early diagnosis. I often wonder about those people who are much younger than me, yet didn't get diagnosed until adulthood.

At school I regularly had extra help with support assistants in various classes, but I was considered to be intelligent, and I generally have exceeded people's expectations of me.

My Reason For Starting This Blog

Since my early 20's I have been privileged enough to be invited to give occasional talks regarding my experience with Asperger Syndrome to various different groups. At one stage I tried to start-up a business based upon this, combined with related online marketing.

While I am in no doubt that my talks are good, and I consistently receive positive feedback from them, I don't feel I have been much good at 'selling' my speaking services. In fact I've tried to sell a number of different things over the years and never had much success. Plus being in full-time employment, I currently don't have the time or flexibility at this stage to make promoting my speaking services worthwhile.

In general, I feel at the age of 37, that I have spent many years trying to achieve different things, and somehow, about a couple of years ago, I reached a point where my drive and determination turned into a general feeling of weariness. There are some things in life which ten years ago I would get my all egged up and excited, which now I cannot seem to muster that excitement.

Strangely, despite the fact I have progressed in so many ways during my adult life, I have for the past year or so felt even more Asperger's than I used to. I suspect this is because I have been become more aware of my social shortcomings and traits, rather than because I have retreated in some way. But this additional awareness has often made me realise how hard it is to succeed at certain things that I used to think would be relatively easy.

All this has combined with other factors has made me feel not so much depressed, but rather stuck in a bit of a rut, of going to work, feeling tired after work, watching a bit of TV or youtube, doing some social things, but without many opportunities to be real with people and express myself, apart from close family.

At the same time as this, I have witnessed a growing number of autistic speakers and online content creators, some who I feel have succeeded in ways in which I have not succeeded, things that I thought you were supposed to struggle with if you had Asperger's. What do these people have that I haven't? Yet, since feeling "more Asperger's" in recent times, I feel I have so many more insights to share than I ever have before.

So I have decided to start this blog, to help get myself out of this rut of going to work then feeling tired, and ease my way into generating more consistent content creation. I very much hope this isn't all about me, and that the things I share in future posts will be interesting and informative. I always welcome any comments, feedback, and correspondence. So lets see how we go!

So I have