Hundreds of Acquaintances But Few Friends

I feel that I have always struggled socially, being Aspergers. Back when I was in my early 20s, I was desperate for more friends. I have always had a good family for moral support, and plenty of people I knew casually through environments such a work. But I had no peers I could 'hang out with' on a regular basis, and more importantly, felt powerless to go and meet new people and my limited social life felt dependent upon who might come in and go out of certain social circles.

At a low point in early 2010, I decided to go Meetup type group in a nearby city in the hope I could build up my social life. These were mostly 'catch all' socials down the pub. I vividly remember the first of these events I went to - it was a bitterly cold Tuesday evening in January, fortunately the pub was right outside the train station. I went along and got chatting to various people - I met a few nice people and had some nice conversations, however most of the conversation was awkward. Many of the people were new to the city, and I didn't even live in the city and wasn't overly familiar with the city's social life. A lot of people were professionals of some sort and the only job I had any experience in was admin assistant in the civil service. So much of the time it felt awkward. However I continued to go to more events because - even when it's tough - whenever there is 'potential' I stick at it!

Fast forward to 2019 and I have been to loads of other singles group events and meetups over the years, on and off, usually on a Saturday night - because this is the time when there is not much else available for me to do socially speaking. These types of events serve a useful purpose, because they allow you the chance to do something purely social with people that you're not going to meet at work or in other club or class.

However, an unfortunate pattern I have got into - and this applies in other social environments outside the meetup type group setup - is that when you start going to these groups, you end up saying 'Hello', shaking hands and introducing yourself to hundreds of different people, but not making many real friends. The abundance feels good when you're starting out with a limited social circle, however it seems that after a while the abundance of potential friends becomes a problem. 

As someone with Aspergers, I know that I don't read social clues like others. I cannot explain this exactly - just as someone born partially sighted cannot explain what they can't see because they have never know anything different. So what tends to happen a lot is, on initially meeting someone, everything seems fine, but then at some unidentifiable point, other people will start to bond more, and I can gradually start feeling left out. So I end up in a sort-of-merry go round here. Of course every one of these socials are different, so I'm not saying this happens like this everywhere, and there are a handful of people I have met at these types of event whom I have stayed in touch with. But as a general rule this is how it goes.

I will continue to go to these types of events when I wish to do something social and nothing else is available to me. However now I have recognised the above pattern, I hope I can do something to rectify it. Reduce the quality and increase the quality.